An Alcoholics Final words to her Family

Posted: April 16, 2018 in addiction, alcoholism, Child Abuse, Depression, family, inequality, mental health, stigma, suicide
Tags: ,

A patient of mine from years ago left this note after she died. I have rewritten it here.

Dear Children- I did not take care of you like children deserve. When other kids were getting ready for school, you were trying to wake me up. You had to walk to the gas station alone,  with change you found scattered around so you could eat. You thought no one loved you and you were bad kids. You missed school and events because you had no one to take you. You got teased at school because you had to wear the same dirty clothes every day. I would be gone for days and you were scared. You would sit up all night wondering what you did wrong. You had no one to teach you anything. You didn’t come home to hugs, love, or even dinner. You never knew what was going to happen. You were never allowed to feel safe in this world. You were so confused when you were taken from me. I remember you screaming for me, with your hands outstretched screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Please don’t let them take Me.!” I saw your hearts break when I walked the other way. Every time the phone rang for the next 10 years you hoped it was me, and you were hurt every time that it wasn’t. I see all the pain you are in. I see the fear, the depression, and the anger. I know the torture I caused in your heart. I know I did this. I am sorry this is how you will remember me. But I understand.

Dear Mother- I know the pain I caused you. You had no one to turn to. It was your dream to be a mother and give love. I ruined your only hope in life. I took and took from you. You sat up crying at night begging God to help me. You didn’t know how to help, because no one took care of you. All you ever wanted was a family. You thought that having a family would take all your pain away. You had to work 2 jobs to replace the things I would steal. Everyone judged you for what I had done. I destroyed your self-confidence. You felt like you failed and you had to leave. I see the guilt in your eyes. I have taken your life from you. I am sorry that this is how you will remember me. But I understand.

Dear Brother- I stole from you, I took your money, your car, and I took all of our parent’s time. This left you with little time with them. You felt ignored and it hurt you. You withdrew from the world and isolated yourself. You had to grow up way to early. You became scared and isolated. I saw that affected your ability to know boundaries and how to have relationships. I see that is all with you still today. I did all of these things. I am sorry this is how you will remember me. But I understand.

Dear Sister- I took all of your toys and hid them. I ruined the toys that you loved the most on purpose. You were just a little girl that wanted love. You didn’t know why I was destroying the family. You saw me and trembled with fear. You couldn’t understand why I stole from mom and dad who had worked so hard. You tried so hard to help. You needed their love to. We missed your dance recitals because I stole the car. Your heart was broken and you didn’t understand how someone you loved so much could do this. You grew up scared. I see your pain, even if you try to hide it. I am sorry this is how you will remember me. But I understand.

Dear Father- You wanted to have a normal family. You took me places and to events all the time.  You hated your job, but you still went every single day to support us. No one loved you when you were a child. You never felt love as an adult. You were lonely. You were afraid to come home. Your marriage was hurt by me. You became depressed, so you drank more. I became an embarrassment to you. My issues robbed you of much of your life. I see the disappointment in your eyes. I am sorry this is how you will remember me. I understand.

I know that this is how I will remember you all.

Dear Brother- I remember going to sporting events together, playing outside, and laughing together. I remember the time you were so scared that dad was going to punish you about the mailbox, so I told him it was me. I remember letting you stay at my house after you had nowhere to go because of your drinking. I remember the not so nice things you tried to do to me. You were scared and lonely just like I was, so I never said anything. I remember coming back from treatment and you telling me how I had ruined everyone’s life. I am sorry you forget about the times I protected you. I was in pain when I did these things, but I understand so are you.

Dear Sister-I remember holding you at night when you were afraid. I remember when you made a mistake and Dad started coming after you. I remember jumping up and doing something worse on purpose so he would punish me instead. I remember you calling me your hero. I remember you clinging to me when we were young for protection. I remember taking you to the park to get away, and teaching you how to do hair. I am sorry that you forgot all of that. I am sorry you are in pain. I understand.

Dear Mother- I remember before it got bad, when you would tuck me in and hug me. It was so safe to be with you. I remember your love. I remember trying to make you happy because you would be so sad. I remember when you couldn’t take it anymore and left, I ran down the street looking for you outside for hours. I remember praying to God that you come back. I cried at night in my bed wishing you would just call me. I promised I wouldn’t be bad anymore. I remember when I told you what dad was doing, how your heart broke. I begged God to protect me. I am sorry you forgot all the good, and I am sorry for your pain, and I understand.

Dear Father- I remember the first time you hit me. You bought me candy so I didn’t tell. When I got older, if I didn’t want to get punished I would watch your “special” movies with you. It made you happy. You cried afterwards. I am sorry for whatever happened to you, to create the person I knew. I see you were in pain. I understand.

Dear children. I love you, I did the best I could. You are angels. I just did not know how to love, and I was scared.

I always wondered if anyone noticed…

Did anyone see when Dad was punching me?

Or when he took me into the room to watch “movies” with him?

Did anyone notice me crying when Mom left, because I was afraid what would happen?

Did God hear me?

Did anyone see what those older boys were doing to me?

Or notice I would be gone for hours as a teenager and come home drunk?

Or that I took the blame to protect you from being punished like I was?

Maybe you did, and you forgot. Maybe you thought it was better me than you.

I kept thinking someone would notice and they would do something. But no one ever did. No teachers, classmates, or anyone. No one spoke up. I guess they didn’t see. Or maybe they thought it was none of their business.

Thank you for telling me I was the bad one, and the problem child. I went to treatment and I got to feel better for a little while.

Until I would come back. No one understood why I would do so well, and when I got out of treatment, I would relapse.

I’m sorry you never could make it to family night at treatment because it was “my issue,” Not yours. That you were “fine.”

Maybe now that I am gone, your problems will be gone.

If you find that you are still in pain with me gone, and start to think maybe you were part of the problem, I am sorry for your pain. But it may be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Now that you have to look in the mirror, maybe now you can heal. It is the greatest gift I can give to you.

I used to wonder why God would allow such evil, poverty, and sadness on earth.

Then I realized, he is the one that should probably be asking us why WE ALLOW IT.

He gave us all the resources we need to live here equally. We have enough to end poverty, and help each other. He gave us all the tools we need.

We choose this.

We allow this, not God.

I love you all.

Alcoholism and Addiction are family diseases. Not every case is this extreme. However, the addict is usually the one acting out the dysfunction and is a sign of strength, not weakness.

If you take the strongest one and heal them, and send them back to the dysfunctional system, it will not work.

If we do not start treating the system, we will continue to have an epidemic.

Will you notice? Will you speak up?

Silence is consent.

Taking the Mask Off” is the new book by Cortland Pfeffer and Irwin Ozborne. Ebook is only 3.99. Cortland Pfeffer spent years as a patient in psychiatric hospitals, treatment centers, and jails before becoming a registered nurse and working in the same facilities. Based on his experience, this story is told from both sides of the desk. It offers a unique and valuable perspective into mental health and addiction, revealing the problems with the psychiatric industry while also providing the solution – one that brings together science, spirituality, philosophy, and personal experience.

“Taking the Mask Off: Destroying the Stigmatic Barriers of Mental Health and Addiction Using a Spiritual Solution” is available on Amazon, and Balboa Press.

Comments
  1. I know this case really got to you. You are a precious soul.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Tears the heart to pieces.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Reblogged this on littlebarefeetblog and commented:
    Prepare before you read this, my darlings. A fellow blogger posted it, because such things must be seen, heard, felt, and realized. Thank you for agreeing to take it in. – R.A.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Wow.. what my heart feels my words could never do justice..

    Liked by 4 people

  5. blkkat49 says:

    This is heart-wrenching and the brave soul who left behind these words can open the eyes of many. Like an organ donor, this writer can saves lives, even though they lost their own.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. cabrogal says:

    I can see you published this with the best of motives and note that you maintained the anonymity of your former patient but I can’t help feeling very uneasy about the ethics of publishing a suicide note, especially given this person’s relationship with her father.

    I’m not sure how you came by it – I don’t see any paras beginning “Dear Counselor” – but I can only hope it was either the intention of the deceased that you receive a copy to do with as you see fit or that you sought and received permission from the family to publish it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. I have permission from the v deceased and no names have been released. I understand as well, but this is to spread awareness and hopefully bring some change

      Liked by 3 people

      • cabrogal says:

        That you received permission from the deceased relieves my ethical concerns.

        However I don’t think it’s a good idea for people in the caring professions to invoke utilitarianism (as opposed to principlism) when making ethical decisions (with some rare exceptions, such as in the case of triage).

        You can hope this letter will spread awareness and promote positive change but the situation is far too complex to make any predictions. It’s also possible some readers may feel such strong identification with the writer that they too will have suicidal thoughts. Suicide does seem to be contagious.

        I think the principlist consideration that the deceased apparently wanted her note to serve as a warning to others is sufficient justification for publishing it, regardless of any speculation as to the possible consequences.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I am grateful for your comments. I love hearing all sides of things, it is how I can grow and become better. Believe me, this was a very tough decision. I’ve had this fir years and never shared it. U still don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, my heart told me it was time.

        Liked by 3 people

  7. Wow! This was just wow! Im not sure of the words. Sad maybe?

    Liked by 4 people

  8. bipman says:

    I could hardly read it without emotion (something difficult for me). This sort of thing really does require a greater audience to help change, Who wrote “Perhaps the biggest tragedy in our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns.” ?

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Living1Lyfe says:

    We allow it…powerful

    Liked by 3 people

  10. dkuyat says:

    Powerful. A message we all need to hear. And while we wait for the system to change, we should think about just how many lives we all impact for good or for evil. Thanks again. All lives truly matter

    Liked by 3 people

    • Absolutley, we wait for a system to change but the only way to do that is Ryu change ourselves

      Liked by 2 people

      • neighsayer says:

        that is making me nervous, that idea. I’m pretty sure we need to try to change our institutions now, not sometime after we have all changed ourselves.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Maybe we all are the system. In a way we all contribute, unless we fight it, silence is consent. How can we change a huge system, I don’t know the answer. I see your point, it NEED to change, but how does a major messed up system change?
        The only way I can think Is if every little part of the system changes, that forces the austen to change.

        I wish I could change the whole system, but I done have the answer as to how.

        So I believe in a sense you are right, but how?

        Liked by 1 person

      • neighsayer says:

        hmmm . . . I think I know what I would try to change – our stupid belief in punishment as a one-solution-fit-for-everything – but I’m not having any luck selling it. You’re probably right, or at least a million times more practical than I am, that healing ourselves is all we’ve got. If we could somehow postpone our breeding until after we’ve done our own work, maybe . . . uh oh, starting to get sad here . . .

        Liked by 2 people

      • Postpone our breeding, ha ha that’s funny

        But the punishment thing you are right on
        Punishment dies not work, it is never helpful, never

        0 percent chance of punishment ever helping anyone

        Liked by 2 people

  11. fpollaci says:

    WOW – that was an incredibly hard to read and I can only imagine how hard it was for this suffering soul to write it – and most of all – the saddest part was the many many lives ruined, left wanting, needing, so many more things.
    What first got to me was to her kids; and then it became apparent – that her childhood too was taken from her as well. Sometimes it’s hard to look at an adult and understand the suffering they endured as a child. But, I always try to bring myself back to that.
    My heart breaks for all of them; they all got gypped and all deserve to be loved and actually know they are loved!!
    Thank you for sharing; perhaps the next time we see someone in that pain; we will recognize it sooner. The saying is true; it takes a village to raise a child; but that same village has to take responsibility for what happens within – for everyone!
    Hoping that she has found peace and her family is on their own way to recovery; finally!

    Liked by 3 people

  12. gmgoetz says:

    Reblogged this on thotsfromgeorge and commented:
    A heart wrenching read, reblogged from another blogger. Please read, think, and consider anyone known who may be living in this pain and how help can be given.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. gmgoetz says:

    Heart breaking to read this, and know people who may be living in these situations. Thank you.
    Reblogged, and posted to fb to help people think how help can be given.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Jennifer says:

    That is the saddest story I ever read. It brings back child hood memories for me. My poor mother. She was a good person with a very sad past. Alcoholism destroys not only the person but the family. It is a horrible disease. Someday our world will understand. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Cindy Knight says:

    I wish the cycle of this could be as broken as my heart feels after reading this. Pain and shame follow for living in a world where this is allowed to happen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It hurts to think of all we sit by and do nothing, thinking, we can’t make a difference. But from being in this pain before and having people pull me out, I know 1 word, 1 minute 1 smile can change the world of someone

      Liked by 1 person

  16. S. J. Lynn says:

    Such a sad, but heartwarming thing to read. Thanks for sharing. Reminds us all to never judge and never take loved ones for granted.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. jesstme123 says:

    This broke my heart. it’s all so similar to the lives some of us leave. heartbreaking, brought tears to my eyes. thank you for sharing

    Liked by 2 people

  18. “We allow this, not God”. This is something I’m just starting to learn, 38 years after I abandoned religion in elementary school for the very reason the person who wrote this letter did. Thank you. For some of us, simply knowing we aren’t alone is enough to keep us alive.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Reblogged this on livingthroughtheheart and commented:
    this post has moved me so deeply. thank you for sharing, and for speaking up.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Takingthemaskoff, your post speaks straight to my heart on one side because i can feel the pain and torment in the lives you so eloquently describe, the images you paint is as if I am there in the midst of this poor lost family, and in being there in the moment of reading also takes me through countless other doors into the same dysfunction being repeated around the globe.
    Monster inc comes to mind, but instead of collecting screams, I can hear them coming from millions of broken hearts.

    On the other side it hits my heart because for each and everyone of us in what ever we are facing for it to be healed it is to the condition of our hearts that we must turn, the programming passed on from generation to generation.

    I have repeated those same mistakes and etched on my heart our the images of my two young children, 6 and 7 at the time, as I walked away lost in my own self centered egotistical world, not caring for anyone else but my self. Oh I got it all so wrong.

    Left alone in solitary confinement of my bed sit with my anguish and hurt, as my world built on sand, crumbled and fell part as the flood came, the thought of suicide was ever present, but something deep inside told me no. I believe just for this moment in time.

    My eldest was 21 yesterday, I rang to wish her happy birthday but other than that I didn’t know what to say, I could hear and feel the pain in her voice, and after some small talk we said our goodbyes, tears streaming down my face, and I suppose down Rebeccas also, if not definitely within her heart.

    I know it is broken and I know there are so many out there, Rebecca not long ago wrote me a letter after I had talked about the conditioning and programming of our hearts, the words came as no shock but each one was a stab in my heart of the hurt and damage I had done to the one who I should have given my all, only there was only one person receiving my love and that was me.

    The thief comes to seek, kill and destroy and we as human beings thinking we are our own gods make his job so easy, our false self as leviathan the prince of pride surfaces in all of us.

    Does God cause this, NO, allow it, yes I believe He does, in order that we see the futility and our total ineptitude when we rely ourselves, these writings will continue and families will be destroyed until we as humans come to the realisation that apart from the one who created us, we are totally lost.

    Takingthemaskoff, thank you for your writing and the way they touch and ignite what has been imprinted on my heart, I hope this, my site and my life can be a beacon that shines light into others hearts, for healing to come in order for them to be lived in the original way that was intended from the beginning.

    Liked by 5 people

    • My god this comment has me speechless.
      You describe so eloquently the problems

      You are so honest and genuine and raw and articulate things so well

      I Don’t Know WHAT To Say except amen
      Amen

      Liked by 2 people

    • brianbalke says:

      Ian-

      Your living of this is very painful. I am so glad for these words: “For healing to come.” Pain is a way of telling us where healing is needed. We are not born with sin, but many of us are born with wounded hearts. This life is an opportunity to learn how to heal ourselves, and thus to heal others. I pray that your daughter’s heart will one day be reunited with yours.

      For me, the hard part has been to surrender my own pain, to say “the reason I hurt is because others need healing.” From there, I try to look into the heart of the beloved and absorb as much as I can, and then to surrender the rest to the Higher Power that works steadfastly to heal us all. In the most profound of those experiences, the beloved receiving that love opens their heart in gratitude, and unites my healing with theirs.

      No, it doesn’t happen very often, but it is those experiences that give me strength to keep on trying.

      Brian

      Liked by 4 people

      • Once again your words are extremely profound and inspiring. Wonderful wonderful advice and words of wisdom brian. Couldn’t agree more

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Brian

        Thank you for your prayers for they are mine also and each passing day is a step closer for me and my daughters to be reunited.

        I agree that we are not born with sin, I believe that we are all born geniuses but at birth we are all separated from our Father, and it is the ruler of this world and his spirit who programmes our hearts with the first negative fractal formulas that repeats itself over and over again, each time growing in strength, till it leads to a habit, an addiction.

        sow a thought, reap an action.
        sow an action, reap a habit.
        sow a habit, reap a lifestyle.
        Sow a lifestyle, reap your destiny.

        Our soul will display what we believe to the world, for we are who we are in our hearts and what is in our hearts is what we truly believe. We dont see the world the way it is but the way we are.

        The pain we all feel I believe is there to show us, that we cant heal ourselves, for our hearts are sick and deceived and there is only one person who can understand it.

        Pain in this world is viewed as an enemy, whereas in fact it is our friend, it is there to tell us something is wrong, we need to know this in order to meditate on it and search deep within ourselves, being open and honest. We are only as sick as the secrets we keep.

        Healing will only occur when we commit our lives fully to the one who understands, a man who died for us on a cross, went into the abyss and defeated the father of lies through resurrection to sit at His Fathers right. His salvation is our salvation, His life is our life, He is our healing and everything else. He is the light that will replace the dark. His truth will replace the lies we have in our hearts that we are being deceived to be true.

        Many bad things have happened to us all, that is true, but that doesn’t alter who we are, what alters who are, is the lie we believe contained in the truth.

        I believed for 47 years that I was unloved by my parents, so lived my life accordingly interpreted through the spirit of rejection I had. All my actions were carried out searching for the love I craved.

        I have read all the comments, they are amazing, but everyone is referring to heart issues, for it is the control centre of everything we do.

        King Solomon over 3000 ears ago knew it when he said, guard your heart with due diligence because from it flow ALL the issues of life.

        For further insights I would recommend http://rediscoveryoftheheart.com/

        Since visiting the site the Lord has connected the dots of my life, shown me who I am and the reasons for all the dark places I have visited, believe me they are numerous.

        I now feel no pain revisiting them, in fact I relish and rejoice in them in the hope of being used by the Father to bring a future and hope to others.

        God bless you Brian and all others who have posted, and all those lost souls who find themselves desperate, may the hurt and pain of the negative images, the lies in your hearts, the dark recesses, be touched with the light, life and love of the living Jesus, as the image of His glory that shines in His face glow in your hearts and bring His healing to your souls.

        Liked by 2 people

      • brianbalke says:

        What a beautiful testimonial, Ian. Every soul that falls and is redeemed blazes a trail through human nature. Please keep sharing your faith – I am certain that it is a light unto others.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I am so grateful when you make such profound statements Brian. I know when you’ve made them to me when I’ve written about my story you’ve really made me think and had me in tears. I hope everyone that reads this checks out Brians blog, it is simply amazing. I’ve read his book which is amazing. The man has great insight into the world. I learn alot from him, as well as a few other bloggers. Nurse kelly ans the Neigh sayer are also amazing blogs.

        Thank you again brian. Maybe someday we can collaborate on an article.

        Like

    • I forgot to mention, monsters Inc. Great movie. Great message. My thoughts are with you tonight

      Liked by 1 person

  21. lozzafun says:

    This article posted in it’s entirety on ‘ Finding Truth in an Illusory World.’…Thanks….

    Liked by 2 people

  22. doms2015 says:

    The insight and clarity were there and you were probably instrumental to her realizing it – but still she took her life. Why? I’m sorry for you loss.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I have no idea why. I wish I did. I wish I could have helped more. I wish that she wasn’t in so much pain. I wish others going through the same thing right now we’re not. All I can do is the best I can to help and hope for the best.

      Liked by 3 people

  23. What a powerful and truly heartbreaking story. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you fir taking time to read and comment. It is so hard to think about all the suffering going on, but it’s good to spread awareness and know that all of us can contribute to making it better by noticing things and speaking up, we can prevent these things from happening

      Liked by 1 person

  24. gchan7127 says:

    This is so sad. She is such a great writer too. It’s so heart breaking.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. I am speechless. Just sad 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  26. […] An Alcoholics Final words to her Family […]

    Liked by 2 people

  27. gingersnap74 says:

    Thank you for posting from this perspective. My mother is recovering from alcohol 22 years now. I’m grateful. This gives me insight.

    Liked by 2 people

  28. Jesse says:

    This really hit home for me almost got me crying. My grandma was an alcoholic for many years, and my mom had a problem with alcohol from when I was 5 until I was about 15, shes been sober now for almost 5 years Thank God. It’s always tough for both sides, which makes recovery a challenge. The alcoholic feels bad they let everyone down which causes more depression and drinking, and each time the loved ones steer further and further away from the alcoholic. They start losing faith and trust, which makes helping harder. For anyone that has a problem I pray you get help. My mom started going to an AA group which was the solution. She found people who were like her, who understood her problem and we’re supportive in ways even her loved ones couldn’t be. And forgive those with problems, they’re hurting more than anyone else.

    Liked by 3 people

    • This is a great comment. You have amazing insight into the whole issue

      Recovery is a huge challenge due to all the pieces involved.

      Family and support and guilt and so many pieces and we usually only treat the addict

      Recovery is very hard, but in the end, it becomes a gift

      You are great to have such an understanding of this, that kind of insight helps the addict more than you can ever know

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jesse says:

        Yeah someone with an addiction or any problem going through rehab isn’t the only one needing help I figured that out. Spent years keeping it in, trying to hide from how I felt and it hurt me, so I started reaching out. That’s when I realized I needed help as much as my mom.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Your amazing, simply amazing. You are a gift to your mother for that.

        You may not ever see it, but your insight is very rare and saves people’s lives.

        it is a rare quality. It is a whole system that needs help, that comes from years and years of generations of pain.

        Liked by 1 person

  29. massivelyrandom says:

    This is sad beyond words.

    Liked by 2 people

  30. uehobbyist says:

    Wow. I feel strongly about this. I disagree with suicide in this context. Not sure if I have the right to reply…This person’s last act in life was to lay one last “i’m sorry, but it’s not my fault” stick in the eye of everyone who loved her.

    I have some experience here. Especially with the cycle of abuse and addiction. I have found that some kids wake up and decide “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” They are few, but manage to break the cycle. The rest are doomed to repeat

    Adults that give up like this frustrate me. giving in to crazy is easy. Staying sane is hard.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I welcome and appreciate any comments, regardless of opinoon. It is good to talk about these things and I appreciate anyone with courage enough to disagree openly. It Encourages Discussion and That is the only way people grow.

      I recently read an article in the new yorker given to me by an intelligent co worker about Belgium and how they allow assisted suicide to people who are depressed

      I’m not agreeing or disagreeing. It’s a good conversation and that’s how we grow.

      I understand your opinion, I knew this woman, and the pain she was in was unbearable

      My mom always said to me when I was a child, you need to choose to either be a survivor or a victim

      I think that inequality is the issue, some people do not have the tools or the resources to get the help

      Everyone should have access to the best help in these conditions and that is not the case

      Is hard to know why someone gave up

      I do know the pain she was in and I don’t know what had her Decide this

      The whole situation is heartbreaking

      I really appreciate your thoughts

      Liked by 3 people

      • uehobbyist says:

        Actually, I agree with suicide in many situations. My father and I have a joke about how someday I will take him on a final trip to Zurich, via Amsterdam. Half kidding. Half truth.

        However, I believe parents have an obligation to not bail out until their kids are self sufficient. Hopefully her children were adults.

        I’ve experienced three suicides in my family. Two cowardly and one justified. I am not sure my opinion is the correct one. Either way, my feelings are strong. Thank you for the acceptance.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Suicides are tough. I think some are very understandable.

        I know in some countries they help people suicide.

        IT’S Hard To know what’s going on inside someone though when it happens

        I just think it’s so sad all around

        Liked by 2 people

  31. So sad, and sadly, repeated so many places.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. The world lost someone it needed.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Mom Sees All says:

    The madness continues. Sometimes it takes my breath away. Thank you for sharing. Reblogged on ‘It’s a Dangerous World’.

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Shli Like Me says:

    My God, My God, my God. Tears in my eyes, my spirit is interceding, my heart is feeling, and my mind is remembering my own pain affected by alcohol and addiction.

    One thing I recognize is that there are so many of us working to replace what was stolen from. SOOOOOOOOOO DEEEEEEEEEEP.

    And she’s right: God doesn’t allow the all of that bad stuff to persist. We do. We have to stop treating like people who are recovering like they’ll always be inclined to fail when they are succeeding.

    Thank you so much for this piece. Be blessed!

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Joyful2bee says:

    I wish there were some way to stop all of the pain in this world. The only thing I can do is help out in the place where I am planted. I try to be supportive of those I connect with through blogs and on the internet to some degree. But it is never enough for those who need so much more. I care and pray that someday things will be better for everyone. Such a sad letter but we all needed to read it to remind us there is so much that needs to be done. Thank you for the work that you do to help these people.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for this. You are right. All we can do is help out where we are planted. give what we can an connect with others and spread love. We never see the results, but it matters.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Joyful2bee says:

        Thank you! I believe this with all of my heart. I smile and acknowledge people and I see them smile back. I am a retired nurse and this is one way I help healing start. Strangers have come up to me while waiting and told me things when they needed someone to listen to them. I have been on the other end of this during an emotionally abusive marriage. Sometimes you need to tell your story. Thank you for the work you do. I know it is not easy.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you for all you do. I love to hear things like this. It gives hope and inspiration. Being on the other side like you have gives you that special gift, that empathy. That is what people need.

        What you are doing, Is how we all can contribute to change and stopping terrible things like this woman went through

        Liked by 2 people

      • Joyful2bee says:

        This gives me so so much encouragement! Thank you.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you. For all you do. You may never hear it from those you help

        But for me, it was people like this that kept me alive

        I cask in psychological life support

        Liked by 2 people

      • Joyful2bee says:

        I genuinely love people and have been told and believe I am intuitive. I am thankful that I can help. Keep up the good work. But remember to take care of yourself too. Burn out can sneak up on us too easily.

        Liked by 2 people

      • That’s an important part, self love and care. You can’t give love if you don’t have it for yourself. You are right

        Liked by 3 people

  36. Reblogged this on Blissfully Informed Hippie Chick and commented:
    Wow, powerful message.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Elissaveta says:

    This was a powerful read. It was hard for me to read as my father was an alcoholic. I’ve always struggled to see it this way and I have no final words to cling to or explain his behaviour.
    In a bizarre way, this letter helps. So thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am glad you read it and I think it can help people realize addicts are not monsters. They are people like everyone else thst have pain and have developed this disease from trying to cope with the pain or sjame. Your comment makes me happy. I AM Glad That you think it helped becasue thst is the goal. I will have you in my thoughts

      Liked by 1 person

  38. givingleaf says:

    Hi, thank you for being honest about the pain of the world. I want to help these people, those who can’t speak out, who have so much pain that they go to the lengths of suicide. I really hope that if they can tell someone about these things, realize that others are maybe going through the same thing, they can realize that they are not so wrong. I am actually in the process of making a website where people can “take the mask off” and read about others problems, so they can be brave and show who they really are, to heal themselves. I just need to know how to start this, how to get people to post honest things about their lives because people are already so afraid of being honest. Do you think this will work?

    Liked by 2 people

  39. All I can really say is that reading this, it reminds me of what I could have been. If nothing had of happened, this would have been my note. Those are the questions I asked myself for years, on rare occasions that I still do. Without one little thing, this would have been me in every aspect of the words that you wrote.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Nurse Kelly says:

    Why does it seem like failure is always easier to reach in life? This was so sad. I think of people like this as just blowing in the wind out there. Thank you for sharing this – you always make me want to be a better person. The world needs more heroes – you are one of mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Arwen says:

    It’s just easier to blame the person with the most obvious problems. But families are a system, and if there’s a “problem member,” then chances are, the other parts of the system are perpetuating it.

    This is so sad. I hate and love how your posts are always so striking and talk about these really hard issues.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I agree with you 100 percent. It Is A System issue. There is so many sad stories out there that we can prevent. My hope is the see stories help to bring love. Even 1 person, it would cause a ripple effect.

      I hope we can learn from these things. It is painful, but it helps

      Liked by 1 person

  42. Jenn Prime says:

    Thank you so much for posting this, I am going to share as far and wide as I can. The power in this woman’s’ words left me breathless. It shows vividly that there are more than two sides to addiction.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Jenn Prime says:

    Reblogged this on Della's Days and commented:
    Look a little deeper into the cause and effect of addiction. Are we addressing the real problem?

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Deacon Jon says:

    It’s very powerful medicine u t putting out there. I believe u on the on write track. For one i can relate to part of it when my mom left me broke my heart. She had a drinking problem even today u tall to her about it she don’t think there was a problem. So the problem is with me if I chose to relive the pain. Why would I, I can’t change anythung oh well i just wanted to say how
    true that was about the phone calls. When i was little and that phone would ring I’d drop everything and run to it and that pain of it not being my mom or aunt Jenny it’s like stepping out side and losing your breath when it’s 95 and his 100% just drops u to your knees .
    Well who ever u r behind the mask u know what your talking and I hope u keep helping your light shines so bright so no one can lost unless they want to.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. John says:

    Was almost hard to read. All the more powerful knowing it was not fiction.

    Like

  46. sonniq says:

    It is hard to fathom a life like this when you’ve grown up in one so different. We can’t tell by looking at people what their life is like, and some, because it is so hard to bear, decide to end it. Children sometimes have to endure so much that even adults can’t endure. Growing up this way or in a home of violence that pushes your life into a place where only violence exists. Never learning the difference between right and wrong. I love children and always take the time where ever i am to make them feel special and noticed. Children often feel invisible and can’t speak up and have to go home to a household where unspeakable things happen. It breaks my heart, and then they can’t take it anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t thank you enough for this. You are right on every level. Kids are going through alot sometimes thst we can’t even imagine. They grow up to be our addicts or “mentally ill” or in prison. This is why we have to change how we treat these guys. Amazing comment, thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says:

        I can think back to when my own children were little and during the years up to 2nd grade they were on the road with me as a musician, being pulled out schools as I moved or I had to try to teach them myself. They grew up with no idea of roots – no sameness. I can see know how much that life affected them. After being too broke for even McDonalds for too long I stayed more in one place and danced in topless clubs until I 40. How did they deal with that? Now I’m a 61 year old woman who writes a lot and composes music and teaches piano. But I look at my grown kids and I can see how it was a negative impact on my daughter – 4 kids with 4 fathers, looking for a family. My son, though, it taught him to also be the best at what he does, but drinks too much. When we are young raising kids we never see things through their lives. We damage – and yes, also be a positive influence – but they would have been different if I had paid more attention to what I was doing that affected their lives. I don’t think I always put their welfare first.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It sounds like you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I hope you don’t punish yourself everyday for something happened when y ou were young and you did the best you could. To continually punish yourself daily won’t help. YOU HAVE A kind heart to even think this way. I’m sure they got love, you have that in your heart, I can tell. So I bet they had that also. THAT Is THE MOST important thing, everything else is secondary

        Like

      • sonniq says:

        The advantage to getting older is the wisdom we amass. We can’t see these things as we go through them. I can’t say I haven’t had rough moments we I look at wrong decisions I have made, but it is only by learning from them that we grow into better people. If we use that wisdom in our relationships today then some good has come out it. I think everyone has things they wish they did differently, but some people choose to wallow in their misery. I choose not to do that. Thank you for your kind words.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You have some wise words. Very wise words. It is great for me and anyone to read this.

        Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says:

        Thank you. I appreciate the positive feedback.

        Liked by 1 person

  47. manieverster says:

    This one hit me deep in my heart. Yes, we see people like this and instead of reaching out we judge. When Jesus died on the cross, he died for everyone not just the good and rich Someone asked: Did God do this? No, you see He gave us our will and He is a gentleman that will never interfere and allow us to make the decision to come to him. WE need to open our eyes and hearts to people like this.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. E. Lynn says:

    in tears

    Liked by 1 person

  49. writing, writing, words words words. says:

    Thank you, as always xo.

    Liked by 1 person

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